Thursday, March 17, 2011
It seemed that before turning 2011 that I'd be recuperating from my transplant but something went wrong. Just less than two weeks before my transplant my bone marrow doctor sits me down and tells me it can't happen due to discrepancies with my insurance. The thing is that I've learned since then that my insurance hasn't denied me coverage or refused to allow me to do the transplant. In fact, I appreciate so much how they have tried to convince the hospital and my doctor that I am totally covered.
This has been one of the hardest things I've had to go through in my life. Since chosen to do the transplant I was told not to get hospitalized much since it would prevent me from doing the transplant. Why? Because it would show that I'm too sick to do the transplant. Which is weird since it is because I'm so sick I need to do the transplant. I have done everything humanely and beyond--possible to stay out of the hospital that I even wonder how I've been able to endure all the pain at home. The delay with the transplant with no apparent date in sight to be transplanted I've not succeeded recently in staying out of the hospital. I feel like I've jump over hurdles to get approved for the transplant and now I'm being left to rot.
I've been consumed by this whole process and I had to stop myself because it was seriously becoming too much. I felt like I was running around with my head cut of trying to prove to the hospital that I wasn't denied at all. I'm emailing, calling, visiting, and it became an everyday thing to where I realized that I was trying to make this transplant happen. It's as though I finally woke up and realized that I didn't end up coming to Philly and finding these team of doctors on my own who then suggest the transplant giving me a lifetime of an opportunity. All this happened because God is looking out for me and has found a way to help me get close to living a normal life. Once I brought the focus back to God I just kind of let everything go. There is no way and absolutely nothing that I can do to make any of this happen. If it happens its because God deems it right for me.
I let the insurance company do what they do and the same with the hospital. That's really all I can and want to do. I can't wait to learn what my fate is though. I do have faith that if this transplant doesn't happen God will provide me another way to deal or live with the amount of pain I go through. God willing this transplant will happen and God willing I will be cured.
I do feel that it'll all come to a close soon so I ask for your prayers. Thank You.