Today was an interesting day. I just got discharged from the hospital yesterday from a 3wk hospitalization. The only reason I was discharged was because I asked the doctors to let me go home for Christmas. While I was in the hospital my Fertility doctor stopped by and talked to me about what I'll need to get prepared for in the next couple of weeks. The reason I need IVF is because of the amount of chemotherapy and radiation I'll be getting. I was told the chemotherapy and radiation will make me unable to have children. Anyway, according to Dr. Gutman I was supposed to get started on some medications for my fertility but the doctors overseeing my sickle cell dropped the ball. So I spoke to my fertility doctor (Dr. Gutman-Thomas Jefferson University Hospital) and she said that she spoke to my bone marrow doctor (Dr. Filicko-Thomas Jefferson University Hospital) whom said the transplant will take place in six weeks. It was supposed to be December 10th but last minute insurance problems came up delaying things for me.
Since my transplant is in six weeks Dr. Gutman says I need to begin my medication regimine tomorrow and next week meet the nurses that will be working with me whom will also walk through the process of my giving myself injections and the whole nine yards. It's funny because the prospect of doing IVF was exciting to me at first because I at least will still get to have a child and I get control over who the father will be therefore solidifying the fact that my child will definately not have Sickle Cell Anemia. I say that because of the following chart:
You know, as I hung up the phone with Dr. Gutman I suddenly got very emotional and felt very scared and alone for some reason. I know I'm not alone because I have the most Supportive Mother but there's something about this process and it's finalizations that have stirred up untouched emotions. Well, this is finally and actually happening and I just hope I make it through all of this ok. The question and thoughts that keep running my mind is: Who will I be after all of this, Will I survive this, Will I die from this, Will I get cured, Will all of this be for naught, will, will, will. I have to stop and make a conscious decision to instead think: God Your Will, Your Will, Your Will.