In My sHADOW.

Siblings aren't really acknowledged when talking about sickle cell and that's a shame. I have two brothers one is two years younger than me and his name is Fola. The second is seven years my junior and his name is Ayo. Ayo happens to be Autistic (high-functioning Aspergers). I know now that growing up when I got sick a lot of attention went toward me and the youngest, Ayo, because we needed extra care. I never thought that my being sick would make my younger brother Fola feel unacknowledged but I see it now, as an adult. When I got sick almost every single time my brother wouldn't be in the hospital room visiting me but instead in the arcade room on the pediatric floor I was on. He and I have never talked about this but I know it bothered him and may still bother him.

Not that long ago Fola and I had an argument which wasn't good, and he said some hurtful things not only about me but in regards to my illness. I'm not going to repeat it here but I think he said those things because he resents how this disease affected the family dynamic growing up which in turn affects how we function now. My brother and I were truly the best of friends when we were younger sharing everything but that changed over time and at times I feel like we're strangers now. I miss our old relationship, I miss him.

I wonder if we'd be so distant now if I didn't have sickle cell and we had only normal family problems not constant issues dealing with pain and suffering.

I guess I'm writing to share how much of an impact health problems can have on a family. My hope is that those of you out there that have similar issues in your family--make sure you take time out to make the other members of your family feel special. Have Mommy & Me/Daddy & Me Time so that your other kids feel loved and special. It's possible Fola felt like I got all the special attention and therefore may have thought my mom and dad loved me more than him, though that is absolutely not true. Set aside special time for the siblings to hang with you so good memories are made casting aside the bad one's. Let your child who has the health problem also have some "special time" with you, allow the whole family to have "family time" so more fun & great memories are made than the harder one's.

As a social worker and as I get older I reflect a lot on the past. As I reflect, I'm gaining some wise lessons that I hope will serve me well when I have my own family but I hope it not only serves me but you as well. No matter what we do the people in our family will be affected one way or another but as long as everyone feels loved and appreciated as a whole, that's is all that matters.

BY THE WAY: hApPy bIRTHdAy Fola!!!