Being Real

I get so tired. It's harder than anyone can even think or imagine. I try & try to be strong but I have nothing. The only things that keep me going are God and in his strength I get up everyday and push through. Lol, people say the darndest things/hurtful things in response to someone going through a trying time but thank God those things don't bring me Down. Instead I stand up. I stand up and fight even when there's no fight in me I fight. Even when there's no one to relate, I fight. I've fought and fought all my life and have been strong All My Life. In all my strength there lies: weakness, hardship and pain within my heart but that's not always seen. Sometimes I don't want to be strong and that's when I realize my father is my ResT. Thank God for my Dad! Where would I be without him? Wow, what a thought! I'm glad I don't have the opportunity to find that out. Instead I lay here in this hospital bed and look out into the city and see all of what Dad has for me and wants for me and a funny thing happened: I laugh thanking him that I'm here. Though with so much pain I thank you Dad for believing in me and seeing the strength in me and giving me the chance to be molded into the daughter he created me to be. I am who I am because of all my trials. I am who I am because of all the pain that marches through me. I'm called to rejoice in times like these. I wonder what I can find to be joyful for with this debilitating torn in my side, and I look up and realize that the joy I have is in all the fruit that comes from my struggle. I think back to my youth and the drive my Dad instilled in me to not be defined by my torn but to rise up against it and in spite of it. I think of the humility I have succumbed to and continue to succumb to. I think of the Love that’s been instilled in me to give back as a result. I think of the Love of my family each and every time I go through my Crises. I think of the character and woman I’ve become. I think of the blood, the sweat & the tears that bridge my path forward and I see Good. Yes, I see good things. Yes, I rejoice and in my joy I say Thank You Father {my DAD} for all that you have done. Thank You!!!


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